caring, compassion, love. Why is it these things make life so complicated yet so simple.
Its about heart, not logic...love those who don't love you back.
Why be blind to those who are broken just as much as you are...but just in a different way?
Because in much wisdom there is much grief,
and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain ~eccl1:18

Open up and live...I will not be bound by ignorance...

Into the dark with one light to guide those lost and hurting.

Go_it_alone?

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Alright well so much is on my mind right now. Since my last entry, a semester has concluded, I visited my family for the first time since July 2007, I’ve been reminded of where I come from since before college, I’ve been reminded of just how I can easily take people and relationships for granted, a year has ended, and a new year has emerged.

Here’s the breakdown… (here I go)-

Night of Christmas Eve; I was seriously so thankful to see just how blessed I am to have the family that I can call my own. My dad’s side of the family (moms side is not in the U.S) of about 3 dozen people all gathered at my aunt’s house in Modesto and as we were all chatting and snacking on random food people brought- nothing fancy mostly just chips and dip- when one of my aunt’s randomly proposes a toast. Now I had no idea what it was for but was surprised to see that it was in my honor! She and several other aunts and uncles shared some words of encouragement and appreciation regarding the communication that I have maintained with them all and the change that they have witnessed in me since last time I was with them; studying abroad in South America, a missions trip to Costa Rica, being Chaplain, and much much more all took place in my life since July 2007 that has somehow changed me to who I am now.

After they all spoke, I was able to share some words to all my family simply saying that I really did nothing. That all that I have gone through and experienced is God’s Spirit guiding me and moving me to all these phases and lessons in my life. I said that God’s plans are so much greater and better than mine and that He does great things in broken people…I know that my words impacted several people and I pray that they all understand I am in no way religious; I strive after a life of faith through Christ and do my best to follow God as closely as possible; but it’s not about me; God wants to work in ALL of us; it’s just about having faith and fearing God; doing what he tells you to do or not to do…It truly was an honoring and humbling experience to speak to my family and to actually play the role of Santa once midnight rolled around;)…the surprise birthday cake and more presents on the 25^th was all not expected but it felt good to actually have family be with me for once since I usually do nothing special.

Time in Modesto; After Christmas, I was able to do some shopping with some gift cards. I sparked a lovely new relationship with Levi’s 511 skinny jeans that intensifies with each passing day and was fashion inspired by Corey Taylor in my leather jacket purchase. I also was able to hangout with Val, pretty much the only high school friend that I have kept contact with; now we were both metal heads in the TDHS days and still kinda are, but it was cool to remember all the memories and old friends that we wonder what are doing nowadays. But above all this I valued simply being able to sit and listen to how Val was doing…going beyond my words of encouragement and advice to go back to church and school, I was compelled to give him the book Washed by Blood by Brian ‘Head’ Welch that tells of his journey to coming to a life committed to Jesus Christ. Still being a hardcore KoRn fanatic, I knew that the book would impact Val in a way that my words and advice could…He was so thankful when I gave it to him and last I’ve heard is that he read most of it in one day!...I kinda wish I could see him more often than just a couple of time a year max but I pray and keep in touch via myspace…

Road Triiiip!!!- so my new years plans were thrown out the window when I found out that my bigbro and a dozen other people were driving up to NorCal for the 30^th and 31^st. Seriously, I wouldn’t have joined if they did not stop for breakfast in Modesto…I arrive to the Denny’s to just chill with everyone while they were in town, but I got convinced to join them…and so the random adventure started. The 30^th we were all meeting up in SanFrancisco- sure I was just there for my birthday on the 27^th but it was the people that made the trip. Chatting with Lengua, Chupacabra, Seaweed, Olympia, Puck, and everyone else while cruising around town in traffic or on the crowded streets just made me realize that it doesn’t really matter where you are- the place/location doesn’t matter- it’s the people and the relationships that bind you to them that creates memories and that no one can take away from you.

It’s all about the People- saved or unsaved, Christian or not- People and relationships with them are so crucial in joyfully living this life and sharing what God is doing in us with those who need to know in order to be blessed and encouraged…

After seeing how random and unplanned yet freakin awesome the whole road trip was, I realize that the relationships that I have with my brothers and sisters are all relationships that God has put in place in order for me to bless and be blessed with.

Funny how past drama and broken relationships can pull you away from contact with certain people, yet it is some force greater than our lives that pulls you back together…

I know realize that I am not to push away from those who God places close next to me…like in the passenger seat of my car;) No longer is there awkwardness or avoidance; but rather a restored appreciation for still being able to share life memories with them and for being able to mutually help eachother out…We are a body, we are the church, we need eachother to stay strong, we need to be committed to staying connected to eachother…

Acts9:32-43 - Peter stays connected with the other believers and in v38, the disciples express their need for his presence after Dorca’s death. In v43, he stays with Simon the tanner (tanners were prejudiced against as dirty and unclean in those days) and doesn’t care that he is a tanner- he cared that he was Simon- his fellow brother.

We need people. We need eachother. God blesses us through other people and relationships and works through us to bless them back…Go it alone?

How can you let the past allow you to miss out on God’s present desire to bless you?

Well, much love and respect to you if you’ve read everything on this entry so far. Thank you all for the messages or late night calls on my birthday and for helping it to be extra special.

I appreciate YOU and am blessed by YOU even if you don’t know it.

I’m sure that the remainder of this winter break will be random as it has been- but I love it…keeps me on my toes.

ps- This is definitely the longest entry ever. Next one should be much shorter.

Hope you take something away from the words I type…God Bless You